Quickly, Now!

My brain's been baking in the horrible Arizona heat so I'll make this quick. First, K-Mart (yes, that K-Mart) is selling a handful of games and systems for roughly half their retail price. You'll find more information about that at CheapAssGamer. Why K-Mart is selling these relatively new products when they no longer officially carry games in their stores is a mystery, but even if you can't find them there, you may be able to get a price match at participating stores. Problem is, some stores are less eager to participate than others. I've heard people have had the most luck getting their half-priced 3DS XLs and Playstation 4s from Target, although some Wal-Marts and Best Buys are willing to bend with some persuasion. Get 'em while you can... word on the street is that many stores are pulling their stock to keep from having to honor K-Mart's price.

Also, I've been terribly addicted to Disgaea over the past week. I'm playing the first game for the PSP/Vita right now and the only time I put it down is to give the system time to recharge. This strategy RPG set in the underworld is weird, loopy fun... you can not only throw your fellow fighters to help them cover more distance, but toss monsters into OTHER monsters to combine them, making the resulting creature more powerful but also shrinking the size of the opposing army. One neat feature is the Item World, which offers randomly generated battlefields lit with a rainbow of colors. Special "geo symbols" are scattered across the terrain, giving each of these colors a different attribute. Oh, but that ain't all, folks! Destroying a geo symbol when it's active destroys all squares of its color, and possibly the monsters that happen to be standing on them. Plan carefully and you could create a domino effect that clears the entire screen of squares, earning you bonus prizes. (Plus, it's just plain cool to watch the hot trail of death race across the playfield!)

Okay, that's it. Carry on with whatever you were doing.

Cube-A-Palooza!

So hey, now that I've got an easy way to play GameCube games, let's take a look at a few of them! Don't be surprised if I go back to this well a few times... although it wasn't as popular as the Playstation 2 or the classic Xbox, there are still plenty of titles on the Cube, including some compelling exclusives.

VEXX
Acclaim (Iguana)

Grr! Grr, I tell you!
(image courtesy of Romulation)

I wasn't expecting much from this one, but Vexx succeeds where Shadow the Hedgehog failed, giving the 3D mascot platformer a darker edge without looking completely ridiculous in the process. As the feral dwarf Vexx, it's up to you to rescue your people from oppressive shadow wraiths with the aid of a pair of enchanted metal claws. Iguana tears more than a few pages from the Super Mario 64 playbook, but Vexx offers more exciting combat and surreal stages with an astonishing sense of scale. When your hairy hero clings to the underside of platforms hanging hundreds of feet above the ground, you might catch yourself holding the controller just a little more tightly than usual. Responsive control and a polished cinematic atmosphere add punch to this easily missed, yet surprisingly enjoyable action game.

MARIO KART: DOUBLE DASH
Nintendo

Poor Weegee just can't catch a break.

Whoohoo, indeed! Double Dash is over a decade old, yet it still looks fantastic, overflowing with vibrant colors and featuring some of the series' most clever stage designs. One course has you swerving through city traffic as you struggle to stay ahead of the other racers, while another sets you on a snowy trail littered with skating Shyguys and massive, glittering ice crystals. The great graphics are a testament to the power packed inside that purple lunchbox. 

Nintendo didn't skimp on the gameplay, either. Once you get used to the tag team play mechanics, you'll find some of the best moments in the series right here. Just be sure to pick the right combination of characters! Pairing Mario with his archenemy Wario is about as smart as tying a boat anchor to the back of your kart.

DEF JAM: FIGHT FOR NEW YORK
Electronic Arts (AKI)

Well, THAT'S sure to end the match in a hurry.
(Image courtesy of GameCrate)

There's a lot I like about Fight for New York, but the funky life bar system, an apparent holdover from when Def Jam was a wrestling game, can get stuffed. Simply draining your opponent's health isn't good enough to score a KO... you've got to perform a specific, sometimes complicated attack to end the match, and do it before your enemy's life bar starts to refill. Did I mention the other player will be actively resisting your attempts to land that fatal blow? By the time you've got the attack lined up, their health will have recovered, forcing you to repeat the whole obnoxious process. This results in lengthy tug of war battles which the CPU often wins... even on the easy difficulty setting, and even when your opponent is a rapper named Bless. Tell me I did not just get my ass kicked by some chump named Bless!

Arrgh. I'll grudgingly admit that Fight for New York is a pretty impressive brawler, with lots of characters to unlock (Xzibit! Ice-T! That girl from MTV who can jiggle her butt really fast!) and an authentic recreation of the underground fighting scene. You just have to be willing to put up with the stupidly process-oriented KOs... and that could be too much of a challenge for easily aggravated players.

BLOODY ROAR: PRIMAL FURY
Activision (Hudson, Eighting)

Oh no, I'm not getting beaten up by some
freakin' rabbit. Bless was bad enough.

Fans of 3D fighting games probably felt a little shortchanged by the GameCube. After all, the system didn't have Tekken, it didn't have Dead or Alive, and it didn't have Virtua Fighter (no, Virtua Quest most certainly does NOT count). However, the one game it did have was Bloody Roar: Primal Fury, a much-needed retooling of the third game in the series. All the color that Bloody Roar 3 drained from the series is back, along with eye-catching stages like an aquarium and a makeshift ring outside a Japanese temple. 

Like the previous two games, Primal Fury is similar to Sega's Fighting Vipers, with lengthy combos taking a backseat to crushing blows that send you opponent into (and through!) the walls surrounding each arena. However, you can also bring out the tiger (or leopard, or chameleon...) in you by tapping a button, boosting your strength and giving you a new set of vicious attacks. The game's beast mode is a little busted- and there's now a hyper beast mode that turns an already lopsided battle into a slaughter- but even with the balancing issues, Bloody Roar is the best game in a genre that's an endangered species on the GameCube.

SUPERMAN: SHADOW OF APOKALIPS
Atari

Not that super, man.
(image courtesy of Spong)

Swing and a miss, Atari. I appreciate that you guys took another shot at a game based on the Superman animated series, because the show deserves better than to be anchored to that debacle on the Nintendo 64. Shadow of Apokalips is better, but not by enough. It's tremendously awkward to play, and the scripted action feels downright suffocating next to competing superhero games like Spiderman 2 and The Incredible Hulk. Those titles gave you free reign of an entire city... this just pushes you through a contrived storyline that's below the standards set by the animated series. Sure, you get most of the original voice cast, but again, it's just not enough.

Power Tools: PS2 to Xbox 360 Controller Adapter

This isn't going to make me too popular with my fellow nerds, but confession time... the Xbox 360 was my favorite of the last generation of game consoles. Maybe it was because it was my first, or maybe it's because its history mirrors an older favorite of mine, the Sega Genesis. The Xbox 360 was vastly more popular in the United States than it was in Japan, and it launched well before the Playstation 3, forcing that system to spend years playing catch-up. And like the Genesis, the Xbox 360 tends to be cheaper on the second-hand market than its competitor. The Playstation 3 still commands a three figure price on auction sites, but the Xbox 360 can be had for about the cost of a game for one of the latest consoles... and I can tell you with little hesitation that it's a smarter investment.

I've got just one gripe with the Xbox 360... the controller. It's perfectly fine for your first-person shooters and your sprawling sandbox adventures, but for the kinds of games you might have played on the Sega Genesis twenty years ago, it comes up mighty short. The mushy, imprecise D-pad feels like an afterthought, and it took many years before Microsoft addressed the issue with a new model of the controller that's almost as tough to find as it is to look at without eye protection. 

Augh, so much silver! I'm pretty sure there was an episode of Spongebob Squarepants that looked like this.

But hey, there are USB ports on the front of the Xbox 360! You could just plug in your favorite controller from another system, right? 

Uh, not right. Xbox 360 controllers have to be licensed by Microsoft in order to work. If it doesn't have a special security chip inside, the system won't recognize it, which means that you're stuck with either a stock Xbox 360 joypad or an even crappier third party model. Wait, it gets better! Microsoft is pushing to make these controllers the standard for home computers as well. More and more games on Steam require them, and although there's a workaround, it's a royal pain to install. (Well, it's certainly less convenient than just plugging in the controller you want to use, anyway.)

There have been past attempts to beat Microsoft's vexing security chip and give players the freedom to use their favorite controllers with the Xbox 360. However, these adapters typically require daisy chaining, an awkward solution that still requires an official controller and results in a tangle of wires. Sure it works, but couldn't there be something more convenient?

There could be now! Enter the PS2 to Xbox 360 controller adapter.

These have been available for at least a year now, but I wasn't aware of their existence until I found one a couple of weeks ago in an eBay search. I still don't know who manufactures these adapters or how they're made, but I know from personal experience that they work as advertised. You plug a Playstation controller in one end and the other into a free USB port on your Xbox 360, and your headaches with the stock controller instantly vanish. There's a guide button on the adapter, but you can use the analog key on a Dual Shock pad instead if you'd rather not get off the couch.

I like the Dual Shock slightly more than the Xbox 360's stock pad, but that's not the reason I bought this adapter. It's compatible with over ten years of Playstation joysticks and steering wheels, including this guy right here:

Image courtesy of RetroCollect

Yep, it's a Saturn controller, released for the Playstation 2 near the end of that system's life. As expected, it works beautifully with the mountain of fighting games I have for the Xbox 360, and the face buttons align perfectly with the ones on the system's stock pad. I could play Radiant Silvergun or Guardian Heroes with this, and it would feel exactly the same as it did on an actual Saturn. It just doesn't get any better than this!

Grab Bag

It's already the fourth and I still haven't updated?! Ugh. Let's do something about that.

First things first... I just got Splatoon for my Wii U. Some observations about the experience:

* The game is set to use the gyroscope of the Wii U gamepad by default, which means a lot of sweeping the controller to look around and target enemies. Thankfully, this can be turned off, but you DON'T have the option to use other controllers for most of the game's modes. 

* The graphics are impressive, full of glistening, gooey ink. There's a colorful plasticky sheen throughout that's a refreshing change of pace from the grit and grime of other shooters. When your character is launched to other platforms, you'll see a bird's eye view of the surrounding area that's breathtaking in its scope.

Leader of the pack.
(image courtesy of Niche Gamer)

* There are two different character models, but the boy's design is pretty lackluster, without the flowing tentacle-locks of his female counterpart. Like Mass Effect 3, you'll probably be a lot happier playing as the girl.

* Although there's a story mode, you pretty much have to play online to get the most out of this game. The shopkeepers that sell stat-boosting accessories won't even give you the time of day until you've leveled up a few times in online battles.

* The puns. Oh lord, the PUNS! They're a whole new level of bad, from television announcers Callie and Marie's appetite for octo-pie to locations like the Booyah Base. Some of the puns are even layered, like Crusty Sean, a shrimp salesman who wears a crispy tempura jacket. I don't think even Spongebob Squarepants has this much marine wordplay.

* Speaking of that, I'm stunned that there hasn't been an official crossover with Nickelodeon. It's got all the goop of Double Dare, along with a diverse cast of sea life and an overall vibe that it was made especially for twelve year olds... or just the twelve at heart. Don't take that as a slam, by the way... after the endless despair of Gears of War and Killzone we could use a lot more games like this.

"Hi, I'm the douchebag who
ruined your favorite game
company! Guess where
this thumb has been?"

Okay, second order of business. Remember that post about Konami losing much of its late '80s luster? An article on Japan's Nikkei business newspaper, conveniently translated by Thomas James, offers some insight as to why this is the case. Evidently the company's co-founder, Kagemasa Kozuki, has lost a few screws in the last thirty years. He won't talk to the press, and anyone at Konami who gets on his bad side is reassigned to assembly work or clean-up detail at one of his fitness clubs. It doesn't matter who, which probably explains why prominent game designers like Koji Igarashi and Hideo Kojima have been so eager to leave Konami. I mean, would YOU want to spend the rest of your career putting together pachinko machines or cleaning the sweat off treadmills?

Word has it that Konami is family-owned, so there's no way to replace Kagemasa Kozuki or repair the damage he's done to the company. So unless you really, really like smartphone games or have a membership to one of Konami's gyms, the company is effectively dead. Well, it was fun while it lasted...

There was one other thing! Oh yes, I just got Xevious 3D Classics for the 3DS. I was concerned that it would be a straight port of the unsatisfying NES version of the game, but nope, it's based on the arcade game, with some modifications to take advantage of the hardware. First, it's widescreen, so you have a little more room to move, even if the borders of the playfield are bracketed by clouds. Second, it's in 3D, which is great news if you have one of the new models of the 3DS. As an owner of the 3DS XL, it doesn't really help me much, since that system has to be held absolutely still for the effect to work. The last thing is that the control is more comfortable with the circle pad and buttons that can be set to rapid fire. I've been able to beat Andor Genesis in this version of the game, because my hands don't give out before it does!

Okay, that's it. Thanks for reading!

Miiverse, Take Two

The much-feared Miiverse redesign has finally launched, and it was not the disaster I'd expected, although I'm not completely satisfied with it either. It's still possible to pair screenshots with drawings, for instance, but the process for doing this isn't nearly as intuitive as it once was. Instead of just making your post, you've got to visit the proper community (either from your favorites list or with a search), scroll down to new drawings on that page, THEN make your post. I suspect Nintendo never intended to let users post screenshots and drawings together, but kludged in that option at the last minute to address user complaints. So it works, but just barely. Hopefully a future update will fix this, because as it is now, it's inconvenient and really, really annoying.

On the plus side, separating the different types of posts cleans up the interface a bit, and the thirty post limit gives most users plenty of opportunities to speak their minds while cutting down on all that silly role-playing the younger members were doing. Sorry kids, but maybe IRC would be a better place to bring your Five Nights at Freddy's fantasies (disturbing as they are) to life.

Oh yeah! One more thing before I go. Under Defeat HD, the Playstation 3 port of the late Dreamcast shoot 'em up, is available for three dollars on PSN. Even if you're not a fan of these games, pick it up... the incredible music will make you glad you did.

Not-Game and Watch

I know, I know, it's been ages since I've posted here. But this was worth breaking my silence. Observe!

For the first time ever, I regret that Nintendo didn't release the smaller of the two New 3DS models here in the United States. I mean, it doesn't actually DO anything but tell the time and the temperature, but look at how cool it is! Special thanks to Tiny Cartridge for the scoop, and for the image.

Also! Even though Sony is no longer supporting Playstation Mobile, you can still download its games using this handy link. (Visit the link directly from your Vita or Playstation TV... there, NOW it will work.) This was provided by Adam Mowery, the creator of Curse of the Crescent Isle DX and Blue Beacon, which are both available on the page. However, you can also download Brandon Sheffield's gonzo OutRun parody Oh Deer! Alpha, where you'll swerve through winding roads dodging the hundreds of deer in your path. Hey, it's just like living in Michigan all over again! It's also incredibly faithful to OutRun, as evidenced by my inability to finish it before time runs out. 

For just fifty cents, I'd recommend grabbing a copy of Oh Deer! Alpha for yourself. Even though Brandon once called me an "insufferable whiner" on his web site. Which probably proves his point, since I'm still complaining about it nine years later. Whoops!

A Whole Lotta Iwata: Fight of the Bumblebees

"Screw you, gravity!"
(image from Niconites)

A quick look at the bumblebee suggests that this bulbous bug shouldn't be capable of sustained flight, yet there it is, buzzing from flower to flower with little effort. Similarly, logic dictates that neither an ostrich nor a grown man holding two dime store balloons should be able to soar through the sky, but they too defy the laws of gravity... at least on the Nintendo Entertainment System. Balloon Fight, programmed by the late Satoru Iwata, is one of the more fondly remembered launch titles for the console, while Joust is an arcade classic, ported to the NES by HAL Laboratory, the publisher where Iwata spent much of his adult life. But which of these two games rules the sky in spite of the laws of aerodynamics? Let's find out...

We'll look at Balloon Fight first. It wasn't the first of the two games, but it was the first released on the NES, so it seems fair to start here. Balloon Fight was one of a handful of "black box" titles that was introduced along with the system when it made its American debut in late 1985. 

(Image from Racketboy)

It's worth taking a look at the box design before we proceed... with its simple, barely embellished pixel artwork set against a dark void, it was markedly different from the detailed science-fiction scenarios on the front of games for the Atari 2600. It also demonstrated confidence in the product inside that box. "This is what you're getting," it said. "We've got nothing to hide. We can use the artwork from the game on the cover, because it's that good." It was a bold statement in the 1980s, and these covers still hold up today as an early example of pixel art for art's sake.

Most of these black box games were simple action titles that didn't hold the player's attention for long. You're not going to find too many people who look back fondly on the time they spent with Pinball, Wrecking Crew, or Clu Clu Land. However, Balloon Fight is one of the rare NES launch titles with legs. It got an expanded sequel on the GameBoy, a spin-off for the Nintendo DS starring Legend of Zelda sidekick/nuisance Tingle, and still pops up from time to time as a Virtual Console release.

Uh oh.

Why do people keep coming back to Balloon Fight thirty years after its NES debut? It uses the addictive arcade game Joust as its foundation, but gives it the Nintendo treatment, changing the bleak fantasy setting into something gentler and sillier. Gone are the lance-wielding knights using massive birds as their steeds, replaced with men clutching desperately to pairs of shiny red balloons. Combatants aren't dragged to their deaths by a lava troll, but are instead gobbled up by a hungry fish. Even the gameplay seems friendlier; slightly slower and with lighter physics. Hammering the button was necessary to stay aloft in Joust, but here, you can stay airborne with just a few well-timed taps, making it easier to get the drop on your enemies. (You can even hold the button down if you'd like to spare your controller from all that unnecessary abuse. Thanks, Mr. Iwata.)

Your opinion of Balloon Fight's less threatening atmosphere is ultimately going to decide which game you prefer. As a teenager, I was offended that Nintendo would take one of my arcade favorites and pull out its fangs. Joust had an utterly brilliant setting, with pterodactyls gliding through the skies in search of prey and knights that emerge from eggs. Why mess with that? On the flip side, maybe some players just didn't appreciate the concept of knights locked in mortal combat, and needed a little sugar to make the gameplay go down more smoothly.

You're gonna die here.
Just accept it.

Balloon Fight is also more diverse than Joust. When you're tired of popping your opponents' balloons and plunging them into a watery grave, you can catch balloons that stream out of pipes in the bonus stage, or struggle to stay alive in a scrolling gauntlet filled with sparks of lightning. Joust pulls out a few platforms to make the game more challenging, and tweaks the rules a little in some stages (collect all the eggs before they hatch! Survive the round for bonus points!), but beyond that, things don't change that much. That would have to wait for Joust 2, a game that feels even more Nintendo-ized than Balloon Fight thanks to its use of bosses and an overabundance of new game elements. Nobody wants to turn into a heavy-ass pegasus or fight endless flocks of "crystal bats," Williams. Trust me on this one.

(Image from NESConsole)

That brings us to the NES version of Joust. Amusingly, it was ported to the system by HAL Laboratory, and may very well have been programmed by Satoru Iwata himself! Of the three Atari and Williams arcade games HAL converted to the NES, this is arguably the best of the lot. It's a good sight better than the thin port of Defender II, which looks almost as good as the arcade game Stargate but strips away half the rules, making it pointlessly dull and repetitive.

Less beatable than advertised!
But only slightly.

Joust for the NES gets some of the details that other conversions of the game miss, particularly the attract mode that explains how the game works and hints that the ferocious pterodactyl is not as invincible as it first appears. At the same time, the designers ignored a few of the arcade game's rules- do NOT stand on a regeneration pad if you value your life- and the dull color palette of the NES turns vivid blues into lifeless cyans and adds an unwelcome touch of yellow to the greens of the buzzards. The control is frustratingly slippery too, making it tough to bring your ostrich to a complete halt. When the screen is thick with hungry vultures and you need precise control of your character to survive the onslaught, this can be a problem.

If I were comparing the NES version of Balloon Fight to the arcade version of Joust, I'd declare Joust the victor in a heartbeat... but that wouldn't be fair. In a battle between the two games on the same system, by the same developers, Balloon Fight (grumble...) comes out on top. Obvious effort was put into the NES port of Joust, but compared to the arcade original and the acclaimed conversion for the Atari 7800, it can't quite leave the ground.