Switch Way Do We Go?

The Dr. Dolittle series of books includes a beast in its menagerie of animals called the Pushmipullyu. This creature is born with two heads, placed on opposite ends and each fiercely determined to go in its own direction. Of course, since the two heads share a body, the Pushmipullyu struggles valiantly but ultimately goes nowhere.

"Breath mint!"
"Candy mint!"
(image from Aiim)

From my admittedly brief time with the system, that's the impression I get from the Nintendo Switch. It's a console! It's a handheld! However, each of its two personalities undermines the ambitions of the other. As a console, it can't compete with either of its contemporaries (or indeed, systems from the previous console generation) because its compact size and low power consumption limit its scope. Games for the Switch lack the visual luster of the Xbox One and PS4 versions, because the system just isn't capable of it.

As a Switch Lite owner, I'm feeling the pull of the other end of this improbable beast. It's a handheld, but all too often, games designed for the Switch aren't optimized for a smaller screen, and your eyes suffer as a result. This became clear (or not... clear...) to me after playing Sega Genesis Classics. Rather than offering a simple, straightforward menu with large, instantly readable fonts, developers d3t insisted on a cluttered user interface based on a teenager's bedroom, which makes nostalgia a higher priority than utility. 

Yes, that's cute. Can we just cut to the chase?

On a television set, I'm sure it's just fine... I've got the same game on Steam and the GUI is relatively easy to navigate on a fifteen inch monitor, if far from ideal. (One could ask why they didn't use a drop down menu, like Digital Eclipse did in its Sega Genesis Collection for PSP. Of course, that was Digital Eclipse, which had established itself in the previous decade as the master of classic game collections, and this is by... d3t, which judging from their work here might have a hard time finding the peanut in the middle of an M&M.) However, on the five inch screen of the Switch Lite, the tiny angled fonts will make you look like this guy in a matter of minutes...

"Sorry sir, trying my best! Unlike d3t!"
(image from Imgflip)

What's most galling is that on Steam, there's an option to dispense with the clutter in this flawed collection and just play the games from a simple launcher. The game is shown on the top, while the options are on the bottom. You cycle through the library with the D-pad, press a key when the game you want to play is shown, and clamp clamp kabam, you're playing it. This option is not available on the Switch, the one place where it was needed the most. Bra-vo, Sega.

But wait, the tiny screen of the Switch Lite affects good games, too! There's an indie title called Swords of Ditto: Mormo's Curse, a whimsical action RPG best described as a collision between The Legend of Zelda and Cartoon Network's CalArts phase. It's colorful, it's silly, and it's fun to play... but the cartoony, low contrast text that fits the game's lighthearted atmosphere does not belong on the Switch Lite. I feel like I'm missing a lot trying to play this game on a handheld- details on the monsters are obscured into nothingness on that little display- but trying to read the dialog may end up capsizing the experience entirely. After a half hour of this torture I might beg Vic Tokai to come out of retirement and show some mercy to my poor, bulging eyes.

Image from Classic Game Boy Ads