Oh, screw you, balance board. I should have left you at the Goodwill where I found you!
"Hey, just sayin', man."
Well, you could have been a little more tactful about it. "Obese" is such an ugly word. It suggests that you're too fat to even be human, like you should be dragging a space princess behind you on a chain or something.
But hey, I've lost weight before. I can do it again. And I can even do it on a budget! The balance board only cost me $2.50... Nintendo sold over forty million of them during the Wii's brief rise to fame, and now that the system is a distant memory, nobody wants theirs anymore. Similarly, a copy of Wii Fit cost just five dollars on eBay, including the shipping. So that's less than ten dollars for a focused training regimen... not bad when you consider that the price of a month's membership at the local gym is substantially more.
The only thing left for me to supply is the willpower... and that may prove a little challenging. It's gonna take monumental effort to pull out the (heavy!) balance board and play Wii Fit day after day after day. Hell, I don't even turn on my Wii U every day! However, I'm gonna to have to start if I want to drop this excess tonnage.
|On the next American Gladiators...|
(image from Amazon)
So I guess this is where I'll be investing my wafer-thin attention span for the rest of the month, if not longer. Wish me luck, folks!
(Oh, and in case you were wondering, the balance board is pretty damned worthless for Punch-Out!!. I tried it on a lark, and found myself lifting my feet off the board to make Little Mac dodge punches. I was able to beat Glass Joe- after three rounds- but unless you relish the thought of waggling from both ends I'd suggest sticking with the classic NES control scheme.)