Thursday, September 17, 2015

Miiverse: One More for the Road

Welp, I'm going to a wedding in Portland Oregon this weekend. I want to post one more blog entry before I leave, but I can't think of anything to say. So you know what THAT means... it's time for some sketches I drew on Miiverse!

I bought Gunstar Heroes for the 3DS a few weeks ago, because of course I did. It's aged a bit in the twenty plus years since its debut on the Genesis- cheap hits are common and the designers used a whoooole lot of tiling to squeeze it into an eight megabit cartridge- but it's still fun to combine power-up orbs to make your own weapons and toss around exploding robot soldiers.

One of the more memorable moments in the game was in Black's Dice Maze. Once you defeat him, the stubby little jerk (who looks like Joe Pesci from the Michael Jackson film Captain EO) has once more trick up his sleeve... an exploding decoy gem! If you're caught in the blast, you'll take damage. One of my friends was killed outright by the gem and had to start the (exceedingly long) Dice Maze from the beginning. Dirty pool, Treasure.

So, the new CEO of Nintendo has been announced! Let's see who it is!

...uh oh.

Tatsumi Kimishima's obviously more business than pleasure than the last guy, but if he can make the upcoming NX a success, I suppose I can live with that.

I bought Fire Emblem Awakening, oh... (counts on fingers) ...about a month ago during a sale. It's a solid strategy RPG with gorgeously illustrated combat, but there's just one problem...

Most of the members of your party seem distressingly fond of bear. Not in the nature loving, Marty Stouffer kind of way, but the "I'll have mine with a side of mashed potatoes" kind of way.

Lissa here is the lone exception, arguing that bears shouldn't be toppled from the top of the food chain. You go, girl! Bear is too gamey to eat anyway. And bitter, in Clyde's case.

Speaking of edibles, Crusty Sean here will rue the day he kicked me out of his store. Nobody will sell you anything in Splatoon until you've played a few online battles, so I bit the bullet and leveled up just enough to make purchases.

By the way, let me state for the record that I'm GLAD there's no voice chat in Splatoon. I don't really want to hear other players swearing like sailors and making demands for chocolate milk. 

C'mon, I HAD to do this. The fruit was hanging right there at eye level, ripe for the plucking!

Okay, fine, it doesn't look that bad considering it's a Super NES game. But they shouldn't have considered making this a Super NES game in the first place! Was the Nintendo 64 really so poorly suited to fighting games that they had to make Street Fighter Alpha 2 for a last generation system?

I thought Jeff Foxworthy would have disappeared after people had grown tired of his redneck jokes, but nope, he's a permanent fixture at the Golden Corral chain of restaurants and even has his own Wii U game. By the way, is there some rule that every 21st century game show host has to be a comedian now? Jeff Foxworthy, Steve Harvey, Drew Carey, Wayne Brady...

Speaking of Wayne Brady, there's a game in his reboot of Let's Make a Deal that bears a striking resemblance to the previously mentioned Dice Maze in Gunstar Heroes. Observe!

I refuse to believe this was just a coincidence.

SNK was just purchased by (another) pachinko company, which hopes to lure gamers into the exciting world of... watching tiny balls cascade down a table full of pins. This concerns me slightly. It's even more worrisome that the upcoming King of Fighters XIV is nowhere near as impressive as its contemporaries, Mortal Kombat X or Street Fighter V. This is gonna be like Maximum Impact all over again, isn't it?

Wait wait, one more! Shigeru Miyamoto promised to divulge the identity of Bowser Jr.'s mother, only to reveal that it was him all along. That was a pretty big letdown, unless you imagine it happened like this...

Fellow Miiverse user PhoenixRsh posted this in response...

Yes, nature truly is a magical thing. Slightly disturbing, but magical all the same.

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