Set Adrift a Second Switch

You know, Nintendo, you've got a pretty good hustle going on with the Switch Lite. People buy these pared down handheld systems hoping to save money, get frustrated with the tiny screen and lack of features, and go back to the store to get a real Switch, netting you five hundred dollars when your more cash-strapped customers were hoping to save three hundred.

You think you guys are pretty smart, but I didn't pay three hundred dollars for this Switch. It was more like $240 at a pawn shop, a pretty good deal which got even pretty better when I discovered the previous owner had left a 64GB memory card inside it. On the downside, the dreaded thumbstick drift that's been a bane of Switch owners for years has found its way to this system as well. The right Joy Con seems to be the problem, but it's not that big a deal as I have joysticks and adapters that will let me circumvent it.

With a different controller attached, this Switch works better as a handheld than my last one. I can flip it on its side, rest it on the couch, and play games like Exerion and Donkey Kong with their proper aspect ratio, boosting both my enjoyment and my high scores. Huh, now I get what all the FlipGrip hype was about! Thread some cables through the back of the docking base and drop the Switch inside, and it becomes a console... albeit one that's fighting my ThinkCentre PC and Genesis Mini for control of the third HDMI port on my television set. (I really need to do some pre-spring cleaning; my entertainment center looks like a Best Buy from 2017 exploded. You don't even want to know how my Wii U looks at this point.)

My only beef with the second Switch (aside from the fact that it chiseled another $240 out of my pocket...) is how it handles my account. It'll play the games I've already purchased, sure, but it takes a few extra seconds, checking with Nintendo HQ to make sure I've got the rights to play them. It doesn't bode well for those times when my internet takes a dirt nap, which happens more often than you'd like when you live out in the boonies.

But hey! I have a Switch now... like, a real Switch, and not some sorry half-measure that's only technically compatible with it. You can't realistically play Mechstermination Force or Rock of Ages on the Switch Lite unless you've got 20/10 vision and an electron microscope.