Hacking Up PhlEGM

Ah, Electronic Gaming Monthly. The more things change, the more you stay the same. You're aggressively pushing high profile games that probably don't need your hype, just like you did back in 1991 when Street Fighter II hit arcades and you just wouldn't shut up about it. Let me put on my rubber gloves and scoop up their latest journalistic offering, referencing Rockstar's long-awaited (although heaven only knows why) Red Dead Redemption 2...

EGM: "One of the most gorgeous, seamless, rootinest, tootinest games ever made, and if you voluntarily miss out on it, you’re either not a gamer or in a coma."

Oh no, my gamer cred has been threatened! I'd better run out and buy the bloodthirstiest, shoot 'em firstiest, doggone worstiest video game ever made, before my reputation as a forty year old man who plays Xbox in his underpants is sullied forever!

Heh. Right. Look, I've been playing games since I could grip a joystick with my chubby little baby hands, and I'll be playing them long after EGM ends publication, most likely with my gnarled, arthritic old man hands. (By the way, when is EGM ending publication? Let me know so I can mark it on my calender and buy some bubbly for the occasion.)

Just for the record, I can think of plenty of reasons I wouldn't want to buy Red Dead whatever. The fact that I just don't like Rockstar games is pretty high on that list. I'm currently knee deep in the definitive edition of Sleeping Dogs and I'm having more fun with that than I ever had with anything Rockstar has published. It's the little things, like a protagonist you don't want to punch in the face and cars with a reasonable turning radius. If that wasn't enough reason to skip RDR2, there's what we already know about the working conditions at Rockstar...

It's crunch time, peons! We need twice the bricks,
and you'll need to supply your own straw!
(image from blog.goo.ne.jp)

Anyway. I was going to discuss a deep and well-researched article I found elsewhere about R-Type, but it deserves its own blog post, rather than having the second-hand stink of EGM rubbing off on it. Stay tuned for that in a couple of days.