Saturday, May 13, 2017

A Sticky Situation

First, I wanted to mention this just before I jump into the peripheral talk. Sony's got a sale going on right now, with a lot of games by their Santa Monica studio at sharp discounts. This is good. The fact that Carnival Island is one of these games is not. In addition to being one of the most coma-inducingly dull games for the Move, it's also hands down the most patronizing. Successfully toss a skeeball or a ring at a target and a nearby carny responds with "WAY TO GO, KID!," or "THAT WAS AWESOME!," or some other phony platitude that would insult even a member of the game's young target audience. Am I a member of that audience? No. Am I a guy desperate to find some use for his Move, who saw Carnival Island for a decent price and thought virtual skeeball would offer some fleeting entertainment? Yes. Was I entertained? HELL NO. Avoid this awful thing.

Okay, now onto the blood and guts of this post. I wasn't entirely satisfied with the Hori Fighting Stick 3 I purchased last month, so I've decided to build my own arcade-style joystick, using a heavy wooden box and authentic parts from vendors like GroovyGameGear (note: not a handheld system Shaggy plays between mysteries). I've gotten some fantastic advice from YouTube and AtariAge, along with some examples of what not to do when building a stick. Observe some of these horrors culled from a Google Image Search, and try not to scream.


This DIY disaster comes from Imgur. Lord, I hope this is just a prototype. I appreciate trying to save money on a case, but there are limits. If you don't have a drill, swallow your pride and borrow one from a friend. Don't break out the steak knife and improvise.


From the web site Walyou and possibly your nightmares: an arcade fightstick forcibly married to a typewriter. Hey, it's not like you're going to find any other use for them these days.


Here's one from Kotaku (sorry in advance). Did you know that Nintendo of America president Reginald Fils-Aime used to be a marketing specialist at Pizza Hut, spearheading the launch of the Bigfoot and Big New Yorker? Even he wouldn't approve of this.


This gem came from Imgur, and possibly the estate of Salvador Dali. I learned this the hard way with my spinner... don't make a peripheral with Tupperware. Just don't do it. It ends in tears.


So I guess you weren't too attached to that Nintendo Entertainment System, huh? Special, uh, thanks to Pinterest for this one.


From the "conceptual nightmare" department comes the Michael McDonald fight stick. It's a real conversation starter, if you want every one of your conversations to start with "what the hell were you thinking?" This came from Imgur and Gouki, who'd clobber McDonald in a street fight but wouldn't stand much of a chance against him in a karaoke competition.


Go ahead, get a nice tight grip on this shaft. Ron's waiting for your... input. Another joystick unwittingly endorsed by a celebrity, brought to you by the fine folks at Imgur.

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