World's Smallest Violin

In an interview with GameSpot, Microsoft's executive frat boy Phil Spencer said that he was "personally hurt" by the chilly reception to the original, hellspawned Xbox One design, and that Microsoft didn't do a great job of communicating the value of its features. You know, features like a camera that's always watching you even when the system is "off," and games so full of DRM that you couldn't play them without daily permission from Microsoft headquarters. 

I don't know what's more galling about Spencer's response to the complaints about the original Xbox One... the fact that Microsoft still thinks its mountain of anti-consumer features was a good idea, or that he's using guilt to manipulate players into grudgingly accepting them. Oh wait, it's definitely the last one. I mean, look at this doucher!

Is this a face that inspires sympathy? No, it's the face attached to the hands that pulled your underwear over your head in high school. I wouldn't give this man a dime even if the original Xbox One design hadn't been conceived in the bowels of hell.

I'll be honest, I can't think of too many reasons to buy any of the latest consoles. My Wii U is working on its third coat of dust, and I can't imagine any video games on either the Xbox One or the Playstation 4 that wouldn't work on their predecessors with only a modest visual hit. A recent Games Radar article declared in its headline that "Titanfall on Xbox 360 looks perfectly fine," which shouldn't be a surprise to anyone familiar with the system's still impressive capabilities. 

The fact is, the new wave of game consoles have got a long, long way to go before they can live up to the legacy of their ancestors. The Xbox 360 has nearly a decade of great games under its belt, with only the earlier ones showing their age. The Xbox One has... uh, Killer Instinct. No sale.

Since I'm kicking Microsoft in the teeth, I might as well finish this post by sharing a comic I found on Tumblr, drawn by Mike J. Larson. It's dated now, but just remember this was what Microsoft had in mind for the Xbox One. They'll likely try it again in the next console cycle, if Spencer's unrepentant, "you don't understand my genius" attitude is any indication.