The Xbox Series: Three hundred percent more exactly the same as the last generation console!

That was a pleasant surprise! My Xbox Series S arrived days before I expected it, so now I've got time to share my experiences in one last post before the door slams on this... unenviable year.

And my current impression is... uh, bewilderment. This is a next generation console, right? Then why is the interface a carbon copy of what I was already using on the Xbox One? Please tell me Microsoft doesn't think Metro is the apex of interactive menu design and that nothing needs to be changed!

It's faster than the interface on the Xbox One, but aside from the speed, so much about the Series feels like the previous generation console that it feels like I paid $240 for a system I already had. I'm sorry, but when I step up to a new game console, I need visual assurance that what I'm getting is better than what came before it. 

What I'm seeing here is exactly the same thing as the console I bought four years ago. It's like the opposite of the Wii, which was functionally a GameCube on spinach but became unrecognizable as such thanks to its completely redesigned, motion-dependent interface. Microsoft didn't find a way to elevate or evolve the user experience; they just served up a big steaming ladle of Metro brand porridge and messily poured it into a fancy new cup. Please sir, can I have no more?

What can I tell you, guys?

All the gamers are posting their Best of 2022 Awards, but the only games that interested me much this year were collections. Yes, games first released thirty years ago, partially digested by new developers, then vomited back into my mouth as a highly nutritious sludge. What can I say? They're immediately accessible (set up time for modern games can be so laboriously long, am I right, people?), they're familiar, and they're often cheaper than modern AAA titles.

I just got Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Cowabunga Collection for Christmas, and let me tell you something, Jack. You're getting a baker's dozen of games that represent Konami's finest years as a publisher, and they're well emulated, and there's a bunch of omake which isn't really why I buy these collections but does add a welcome flourish to the overall package. The people who make these collections- Digital Eclipse and Code Mystics, specifically- treat these games like fine china, and do whatever they can to not only ensure they function as well as they did on native hardware, but that they're sufficiently padded with bonus content.

So yeah, all I want for Christmas are games I already played thirty Christmases ago. I'm not sure if this makes any sense at all, but that's where I am right now. So if you're listening, game companies, I will happily be your baby bird. Just keep puking those leftovers down my throat, so their warmed over goodness can sustain me.

Arcade Games, Without Cereals or Fillers!

(image from MLSchelps,
with some creative editing)

I'm not totally on board with the Nintendo Switch, but there's one thing I do very much appreciate about this system. It's given us a whole lot of obscure arcade games through Hamster's Arcade Archives line, which previously had been restricted to primitive early 1980s game consoles, or not ported to anything at all. And they're emulations, duplicating the arcade version almost perfectly, without compromises or creative liberties.

How long's it been since we could play Mario Bros. on a modern game system? I mean, the real arcade one, not that silly mini-game in Game Boy Advance games where they pretty up the graphics and turn the turtles into Spinies, just so you don't think you can jump on them like you can in Super Mario Bros. There's also all three Donkey Kongs (better than the NES versions, much better than the ColecoVision versions), and Crazy Climber, and Galaga's red-headed stepchild Gaplus, and Kangaroo, and Exerion, and freakin' Moon Patrol, and Scramble, and golly gosh who knows what else? I think even Guzzler by Tekhan and Pop Flamer by Jaleco are offered on Arcade Archives, which is one hell of a deep dive. While I saw Guzzler in a pizza place once or twice, I can't remember ever playing Pop Flamer before the emulation boom of the mid 1990s.

Most of these arcade games straight up vanished in the NES age, or were given inferior ports on game systems with no hope of bringing their excitement home. The supposed "perfect" conversion of Donkey Kong on the ColecoVision was anything but, chock full of unwelcome simplifications to the play mechanics, and even Defender II for the NES was far removed from its arcade counterpart mechanically. After all these years, it's nice to actually have all these ancient arcade hits in one place, on one game system, without being pared down to nothing on the way there, and without having to mess with creaky hardware that looks terrible on a modern television set.

Are they overpriced? Yes. Nobody should have to pay eight dollars (or any dollars) for Phozon. Could Hamster do more to preserve the arcade hits of the past? Yes. We've got some big names attached to the program already- Namco, Taito, Konami, and even Nintendo themselves- but Arcade Archives is sorely lacking representation from Robotron: 2084 creators Williams and Universal, the makers of the Mr. Do! series. Nevertheless, this is the most comprehensive selection of arcade oldies we've seen on a game console since Wii Virtual Console, and elder nerds such as myself appreciate the effort.