E3: All the News We Like, You Print

When you make a huge mistake, the solution is not to apologize and prevent it from happening again, but to make an even bigger blunder so people will forget your previous slip-up. At least, that seems to be the approach the Electronic Entertainment Expo will take. Shortly after leaking the personal information of everyone who attended the event last year, E3's organizers claim that they will "control content and the message" coming from next year's show. Control how, exactly? Given how fast and loose they've been with the addresses and phone numbers of attendees, one could only imagine how they'll keep the less flattering information about upcoming games from escaping to the public. Maybe it was an unfortunate choice of words on the ESA's part, but in light of recent events, I'm not eager to give them the benefit of the doubt.

In less depressing news, Bandai-Namco wants to rekindle some of its old franchises. Breathe easy, folks... they don't mean Bravoman or Wonder Momo. No, the games set for a revival include Splatterhouse, Mr. Driller, and Klonoa, along with Wagyan Land and Genpei Touma Den, two series that never had much of a presence in the United States. It's not clear what Namco plans to do with these "encore" games, but in the case of Klonoa, I'd love to see a collection of the first two titles, with the same visual enhancements the original got on the Wii. Heck, maybe they'll throw in the Game Boy Advance titles and that weird volleyball spin-off if they're feeling really generous.

Finally, PowerA is making a line of "Fusion" joypads for current generation consoles, patterned after the classic Sega Saturn controllers. Fusion pads will be available for the Xbox One, Playstation 4, and Switch. This is good news, as none of the other six button fight pads I've used for these machines have measured up to the original. The bad news is that they'll retail for (gulp) sixty dollars each. Maybe I can slum with my bulky Hori Fighting Commander just a little while longer...

It's Thinking. And Old.

It's the twentieth anniversary of the Dreamcast's launch in the United States. We're getting a lot of retrospectives from other writers, but just for fun, let's take a look at what it was like to experience the system a few months before its official American debut. Here's Sweet Dreams, an article I wrote in April 1999 for my old video game newsletter, The Gameroom Blitz. I'll be adding some editor's notes in italics at the end of every paragraph to clarify some statements which may not be immediately obvious, and to make observations about my analysis.

The illustration used at the top of the article.
Amy Rose had been, up to that point, a tarot
card reader, but I'm not sure if that detail
has since been retconned.

I must admit that I was very skeptical of the Dreamcast when it first debuted in Japan six months ago. It was incredibly frustrating to watch normally rational people praise the system to the heavens when the bitter taste of the Saturn’s demise still weighed so heavily on my tongue. Thus, I decided to take a stand against the system. It wasn’t long before another faned criticized me for this, claiming that I needed to actually SEE the Dreamcast in action to fairly judge it. I hate to admit it, but he was right. It took a first-hand experience with Sega’s 128-bit powerhouse to understand what all the excitement was about...

The term "faned" is short for fanzine editor, or someone who publishes newsletters about their personal interests. You don't see much of that anymore thanks to the internet... most of that enthusiasm is now directed toward blogs, forums, and social media outlets.

The El Con Mall, or what remains of it.
(image from Pinterest)

So there I was, hanging out at the El Con Mall with my aunt, her ex-husband, and their two screaming grandchildren. We were searching in vain for a Tucson restaurant which had recently relocated... I had no idea that I would come face to face with Sega’s latest and most anticipated game system instead.

The El Con Mall still exists, but as a shadow of its former self. Like fanzines, the mall has become an antiquated part of American life, obsoleted by the internet. According to Wikipedia, El Con had lost its anchor store and was in the midst of major renovations in 1998, which probably explains why finding that buffet was such a wild goose chase. 

It was at the mall’s Software Etc., running a demo of Sonic Adventure. You know, the game every Saturn owner had been begging Sega to release since 1995... but let’s not open that wound right now. I pulled myself away from the slick full-motion video intro just long enough to ask the rest of the fam for a few minutes... just enough time to see if my contempt for the system was warranted.

Software Etc. was one of several competing video game and computer retail stores, which ultimately congealed into GameStop by the mid-2000s. Personally, I preferred a handful of competitors to one giant store chain which holds the used video game market by the happy sack... but considering GameStop's current fortunes, we may be back to smaller stores soon enough.

"Insert three coins for extra absorbency."

I took a quick glance at the Dreamcast itself and was a little surprised by its appearance... the system was smaller and more delicate than the early pictures in Tips and Tricks seemed to suggest, bearing a slight resemblance to something you might find hanging on the wall of a ladies’ room in a Japanese restaurant. Because it seemed more likely to dispense tampons than play killer video games, I was momentarily convinced that the system was a mock-up and the footage I’d seen was actually running from a VCR.

Still standing by this analysis. The Dreamcast looks so feminine next to other game machines, and its slightly bulbous form makes it one of the few consoles that doesn't look fetching in black.

After coming to my senses and realizing my mistake, I approached the sales clerk and casually remarked, “So... I see you have the Reamcast.” Not taking the bait, he replied, “Heh, yes... you mean the Dreamcast.” I watched a conversation between Sonic and his female counterpart Amy Rose before resuming my own discussion with the man behind the counter. “I’m sorry. I just call it the ‘Reamcast’ because I get the feeling that Sega will do to Dreamcat owners what they did to everyone who bought a Saturn.”

I was hung up on this admittedly infantile dream/ream wordplay back in the 1990s. And in the 2000s. And in the 2010s. Look, I'm still working on breaking that habit.

“You’re entitled to that opinion,” the clerk replied, “but Sega means business this time. The Dreamcast is an incredible system, and licensees have been lining up for blocks to design games for it. Besides, with Sega, Hitachi, and Microsoft behind it, how can it go wrong?”

It found a way. Microsoft did pretty well on its own with the Xbox line, though.

I was too distracted by Sonic Adventure to mention that Hitachi manufactured the Saturn hardware as well, and that Bill Gates’ last stab at the video game market (the MSX, a computer designed primarily to play games like Konami’s Penguin Adventure) was a miserable failure in the United States. A simple “Good point...” was all I could muster as I stared at Amy Rose, who was wandering through a beautifully rendered hall.

When I was in my 20s, I had a bad habit of clutching at flimsy straws in my articles to make a point. Yes, Hitachi made the Saturn hardware, and even released its own Saturn in Japan. However, calling the MSX "Microsoft's last stab at the video game market" is a reach. This personal computer was co-developed by ASCII and Microsoft's Japanese division a good two years before Windows even existed! While it was moderately successful in its native Japan, the MSX was irrelevant in America, locked out of that market by the Commodore juggernaut. 

Dreamcast graphics were weirdly inconsistent,
featuring both well rendered heroes and
characters with polygons so sharp you
could cut meat with their elbows.

The petite pink hedgehog looked as though she were made of plastic rather than polygons, but this phenomenal detail came at a price... I noticed just a touch of slowdown as Amy approached a cache of rings. Almost as if embarrassed by its mistake, the Dreamcast quickly faded out and returned to the Sonic Adventure title screen.

Sonic Adventure really was impressive in 1999, but time hasn't been kind to it. I recently played the faintly enhanced Xbox 360 port, and while the lead characters still have an attractive sheen, the bystanders in Station Square look like they were fished out of a Playstation game!

There were a small stack of CDs on a shelf behind the counter. I politely asked, “Could I see another game?” To my surprise, the clerk agreed and reached for a disc on the shelf. “I suppose I could put Power Stone in...” There was no holding back my astonishment: my jaw dropped as he opened the system’s drive door and swapped discs. “Holy cow!,” I shouted, instantly shattering what little remained of my facade of disinterest. “That game isn’t even out in arcades yet!” The clerk smiled and proudly announced, “That’s the beauty of the Naomi hardware. Arcade conversions take no time at all because the Dreamcast is nearly identical to Sega’s newest arcade board.”

This was one of the defining moments of the Dreamcast for me. "You know that cool-looking game you read about in a magazine a month ago? I've got it right here, and you're going to get to see it." Awesome. I hadn't been that excited about a game since Super Mario Bros. 3, or maybe Gunstar Heroes.

The Visual Memory Unit, one of Sega's bad bets with
the Dreamcast. It only had 100K of usable flash RAM
and blasted out a shrill warning whenever its battery
ran dry, but at least you could play Chao Garden
on the go...?
(image from Wikipedia and Evan Amos) 

I couldn’t wait to see Capcom’s next big fighting game, but I would have to... the Dreamcast requested four blocks of memory, as no save card was loaded into the system’s controller. Perplexed, I asked, “Doesn’t the Dreamcast have internal memory?” Hesitant to answer, the clerk sheepishly replied, “Well... the Dreamcast saves the date, time, and basic system data, but no, you can’t save games to its internal memory like you can with the Saturn.” He then fiddled with the Dreamcast’s BIOS screen and finally coaxed the game to run.

Bad move, Sega. For all its advanced features, there was a lot about the Dreamcast which felt like an unwelcome step back to the Nintendo 64. Single analog sticks, memory cards and vibration packs you have to buy separately... bleech. I know this is the Dreamcast's 20th anniversary and I should examine it through a rosier lens, but even in 1999 that was pretty disappointing. 

I was a bit disappointed by the news... it’s hard to imagine why Sega would force its customers to buy pricey add-ons after they’d created the ultimate save system for the Saturn. Perhaps they wanted to create an interest in their handheld VMS unit and SNK’s Neo-Geo Pocket, but heaven knows the world doesn’t need another portable game system, let alone two.

"Ultimate" is hyperbolic considering how little internal storage the Saturn offered, but it was better than nothing, which is what the Dreamcast gave you. Also, the "VMS" unit mentioned in the article was rechristened the VMU later. Beyond that, there's plenty of room in the world for the Neo-Geo Pocket. Silly 25 year old Jess... he'll change his tune when he actually gets his hands on one.

Meet the Fokker.
(image from Capcom Database)

After a title screen which seemed to last forever, Power Stone’s attract mode finally began, giving the Dreamcast a chance to redeem itself. I wasn’t sure what to think of the opening- the hand-drawn characters looked sharp but strongly resembled the cast of Sunsoft’s Waku Waku 7- but the actual game was very impressive. I watched in awe as the combatants scurried around a lavishly detailed, beautifully lit room, collecting gems and hurling pots at one another.

Power Stone feels slightly cramped now, but trust me, you get a lot more room to move than you did in Ehrgeiz. Plus, it's possible to have playfields that are too large, as Stake: Fortune Fighters for the Xbox proved later.

Suddenly, after collecting a third jewel, one of the fighters was bathed in a swirl of bright light and emerged clad in a scarlet helmet and body armor. In a flash, I responded in my best Dennis Miller, “Whoa! Go, go Power Rangers!” I could almost feel the clerk wince as he muttered, “You just had to mention that, didn’t you?” Well hey, would could resist?

The Power Rangers reference needs no explanation... they've been fighting rubber suited monsters ever since. As for Dennis Miller, he was funny once. Really!

Conscious of the time, I thanked the Software Etc. employee for his and went on my way. As I walked back to the car with the rest of the family to resume our search for the perfect buffet restaurant, I marveled at how much my mind had changed about the Dreamcast. I still have doubts about its chances of success here in the States, but the system is incredibly powerful, and the list of titles planned for the Dreamcast’s stateside launch (including such hits as Marvel vs. Capcom, House of the Dead 2, and the incredibly weird but incredibly fun Jojo’s Venture) would tempt any self-respecting gamer.

It's funny to think how much more relevant Jojo's Bizarre Adventure is to Americans in 2019. Sure took us a while to catch up.

I just hope Sega gets its act together this time... Sony has become arrogant, lazy, and most importantly, vulnerable thanks to the success of its Playstation. This is Sega’s best and only chance to plunge a sword into the heart of its competition and become a driving force in the industry, just as it had in 1991, when Nintendo’s refusal to obsolete the NES gave the more advanced Genesis a head start in the next generation system wars.

That didn't happen, of course, but Microsoft did a pretty good job of repeating history with the Xbox 360. That system actually did take Sony and its Playstation 3 down a few pegs. Frankly, they had it coming.

Destroyer of nations.
(image from PS1Fun, although the "fun" part
seems doubtful in this case)

The Dreamcast needs to strike a chord with players secretly disgusted with the currently abysmal quality of the Playstation’s software library... if Sega can capitalize on Sony’s insane decision to bring the Rugrats to a 32-bit game system, and claim that the Dreamcast is intended solely for serious players, this could severely damage the Playstation’s reputation as technologically advanced and pave the wave for another Sega revolution. 

Sure Jess, a few Nicktoons games are going to topple Sony's video game empire. Now who's dreaming? I guess I saw parallels in how Nintendo's third parties were pumping out licensed dreck for the NES in 1990, shortly before the Genesis started gaining traction with Americans.

If Sega doesn’t take advantage of Sony’s momentary weakness, their last chance for glory will be extinguished, and the Dreamcast will be just that... a beautiful illusion which will fade from the memories of gamers everywhere in an instant.

And we end the article with a well-intentioned but clumsy poetic metaphor. Next Generation's "dream deferred" reference was more clever. Still, this is a nice piece of Dreamcast pre-history, and I'm glad I wrote it. There really is nothing like your first time.

Swlabr Day

"Don't you mean Labor Day?"
Eh, not really. Although I have no idea what a "swlabr" is, or how to pronounce it.

Two important bits of news. The first is that it's been leaked that an SNK character will soon be available as downloadable content for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. Since we're all pretty sure it's going to be Terry Bogard, I'll move on to the next bit of news. Sega showed off a playable demo of Streets of Rage 4 at PAX, and aside from the slim selection of playable characters (you're giving us more than three, right...?) and the not-so-slim Axel Stone, it looks like a fine sequel to a series of fighting games that's been kept on ice for far too long.

The gameplay has been kept faithful to the original trilogy, with one key difference. You may recall that special moves cost you a small bit of health in Streets of Rage 2, while they could be performed without penalty in Streets of Rage 3 if you waited for a bar at the top of the screen to charge first. Streets of Rage 4 regulates the use of special moves with a risk/reward system that works like this.

Here's newcomer Cherry Hunter (daughter of frequent SOR no-show Adam Hunter) laying waste to enemies with her guitar. Using special moves doesn't cost you health per se, but it does change a portion of the bar green. She's performed a lot of specials in a short amount of time, so most of that bar has turned green. This is ill-advised, as you'll soon discover. 

Cherry can turn that green energy back to yellow by punching enemies, but if she gets hit, it drops off the health bar and can't be recovered. This forces the player to use special moves cautiously, preferably in situations where they're not surrounded. After all, it only takes one sneaky bastard approaching from behind to turn a whole lot of potential health into a whole lot of nothin'. Seasoned Streets of Rage players already know that there's nothing the Donovans and Yellow Signals love more than stabbing you in the back while you're distracted, so don't get careless!

Vixty-Four

Whoa whoa whoa, back up the phone and hold the truck a minute. There's gonna be a new version of the C64 plug and play with a functioning keyboard? And it's going to play VIC-20 games too?! Evidently! Here's the promotional video from manufacturers Retro Games Limited...

They're planning a December 2019 release for this one, and if it's reasonably priced, I WANT IN. Special thanks to DIY Hacker for the scoop.

Lethargizer Bunny

Apologies for the extended absence. My get up and go must have got hit by a truck.

Anyway, the big news from Mollipen (I don't know how she gets these scoops before everyone else... it must be why she gets paid the big gaming journalism bucks) is that Arcade1UP is releasing a cabinet with three King of Fighters games. We're getting '94, '96, and '98, which aren't entries I personally would have picked, but it's a start. 

By the way, it's a little disconcerting that these cabs made of particle board and imitation arcade hardware are selling for six hundred dollars in Japan. I couldn't even justify seventy five dollars for the Centipede cabinet when it was on clearance at Wal-Mart! At six hundred bucks, you might as well buy a real arcade cab, or roll your own with a Raspberry Pi and actual wood. You might lop off a few fingers with power tools, but what's love without a little sacrifice?

Thinks, A Lot

Sorry I've been out of the picture for a while, gang. My mind's been elsewhere, mostly on the punishing Arizona heat but also on my acquisition of two ThinkPad computers. I got the first, a T530, as a replacement for an Acer that was long overdue for retirement. I'm using it right now, and it's pretty snazzy, with a solid build and more power than I've ever had in a laptop. Heck, it's got an i7 processor, which I've never had in any computer! Couple that with eight gigs of RAM and an SSD hard drive and you've got a user experience so smooth, you have to spell it with six extra "o"s.

The second machine, a T430, was an impulse purchase. I saw it for a little over fifty bucks on eBay, and figured "what the heck?" It was advertised as parts/repair, but the seller demonstrated that it boots to BIOS, and I can tell from personal experience that it can go a lot farther than that. It runs the build of Linux Mint I copied onto a flash drive, and I'm hoping to install Windows 7 on it when the SSD drive arrives sometime this week. It's not as powerful as the T530, with an i5 processor and 4 gigs of RAM, but I'm confident that it'll be more than suitable as a replacement for my RCA Cambio. That single USB port was really starting to chafe...

Anger Management

I'm not going to talk about the shootings. Life is depressing enough.

However, I will talk about the aftereffects of the shootings... specifically, the scapegoating of the video game industry. It's just like 1993 all over again, and not in a good way. Personally, I don't think video games make people murderously violent, but it's hard to make that case when gamers start a campaign of harassment against a developer who decided to publish his software on the Epic Games Store instead of Steam. 

Look, I get it. Video games can be frustrating. I've broken a few discs, screamed a few insults, and posted a few angry tweets about them. (Okay, more than a few.) Having said that, calling a game designer a "kike," telling them to "drink bleach," and suggesting that their wife should be- uh, I'm not going to repeat that- may be taking things a little too far. And it's not just in poor taste, it's poor timing, when you consider that the politicians who have the power to take your video games away may use what you're saying as justification to do just that. Take a deep breath, count to ten, and pacify those pectorals.

Anyway! Here's some better news. Konami is adding even more games to the TurboGrafx-16 Mini, including a half-dozen Namco titles which were an essential part of the system's library. I mean, how are you gonna have a TurboGrafx without Galaga '90, Splatterhouse, and Bravoman? Okay, you're not getting Bravoman, but those other games I mentioned will be included. You'll also be getting two Spriggan games, which would probably be a good thing if I knew what the heck a "Spriggan" was. It's some weird giant robot thing, I guess. Thanks to Mollipen from Twitter for the scoop.

Also, Garfield is now the property of Viacom after decades of independent ownership. I'm not thrilled with this development, but since I haven't been emotionally invested in this character since I was a teenager, I'm pretty sure I'll live.