Pining for the Fjords (and an announcement!)

Nintendo hasn't made it official yet, but it seems the Nintendo 3DS has reached the end of its life after eight mostly successful but occasionally tumultuous years. Kotaku reports that there are no first party games in development for the system, and almost nothing from licensees. (Oh dear me, how will I ever go on without a steady flow of classics from RCMADIAX?)

This is where I'd grumble about the system getting axed before reaching its full potential, but honestly, it's been eight years. Now that we've got the Switch, and now that Miiverse is history, what else is left for the 3DS? I rarely crack open mine these days, and when I do, it's to play games for systems like the Super NES and Genesis which have been cold in the ground for decades. I'm ready for the 3DS to follow them to the grave.

(I'm not ready to buy a Switch, though. Nuts to that.)

There was one other thing I wanted to mention before I go...

There was an advertisement many years ago which proclaimed that the Neo-Geo was a premium game system, with specs far above those of the competing Super NES, Genesis, and Turbografx-16. Those machines were dismissed as "squirrel burgers" next to the Neo-Geo's sumptuous Prime Rib... yet SNK wasn't above farming out their biggest arcade hits to its rivals.

Some of these home ports were surprisingly good, and others less so, but I thought they would all make a great subject for an eBook. I've already written one chapter, with fourteen more to go. Systems from the 16-bit era of gaming would be the focus, particularly the aforementioned Super NES, Genesis, and Turbografx-16, along with the CD add-ons for the latter two machines.

I'd also like to add a bonus chapter about the Nettou series; Neo-Geo games ported to the original Game Boy. Yes, that seemed like a good idea to someone, and yes, I'm masochistic enough to actually cover them.

The book is tentatively titled "Squirrel Burger Cookout," and I'll be offering updates on its progress and perhaps a few excerpts right here over the next six months. With any luck the book will be published in time for the Neo-Geo's thirtieth anniversary, and oh lord I just realized I really am that old. Anyway, I hope you'll be looking forward to it!

Weekend Update

"Why should I bother posting? I don't have anything to say that's worth reading anyway!"
"Hey, you told yourself when you started this blog that you weren't gunning for a Pulitzer... it was just so you could write whatever came to mind, even if it wasn't important and even if nobody was going to read it! So get your mopey ass in there and WRITE SOMETHING!"
"Ugh. FINE."

So here I am, folks. My enthusiasm is almost palpable.

There is definitely one thing worth mentioning... Sega's announced another ten games for its Sega Genesis Mini, and there are some pretty surprising selections. Two Disney-themed games will be offered in the machine, including Castle of Illusion and the sequel World of Illusion. This is a pretty big deal, not only because these were two exceptionally well made Genesis releases, but because Sega's got the cooperation of a major film studio. It's not something you often see in these mini consoles, which generally stick to IP held by either the manufacturer or one of its third party developers.

Sega's got two more game reveals planned for the Genesis Mini, with the first coming in about a month and the final one scheduled just before E3. Will one of these announcements include more games from Disney or one of its subsidiaries? If that's the case, I hope they pass on that X-Men game where you had to press reset on the console to make progress. And Fantasia, which felt like cold water to the face after the euphoria of Castle of Illusion. And Bart vs. The Space Mutants, which Disney now owns thanks to the Fox deal but sucked on pretty much everything. Er, maybe Sega should just stick with the two games by Illusion Shot Productions.

What else? I purchased my first 8BitDo controller, the M30, earlier in the month. What's nifty about this very Sega Genesis-like joypad is that it can be used wirelessly with Bluetooth compatible devices, or by connecting it directly to the system of your choice with a cable. It'll even work with the Xbox One if you plug it into the Mayflash Universal Adapter. The Bluetooth pairing process is more complicated than I would have liked (I suppose "plug and play" doesn't apply when you're not actually plugging it into anything...) and the D-pad feels slightly rough on the thumb after extended use, but I'm happy with it overall. It's just nice having a Sega Genesis style gamepad that works with nearly everything you've got, including a tight budget.

Okay, I updated. Now can I go back to bed and sulk?

His Body Is Ready (for retirement)

So I played ("played") my first console Kingdom Hearts game. Here's how that went.

I feel kind of bad for Haley Joel Osment. Every time he starts a conversation with somebody, they instinctively shout back, "Just shut up and let me play the game already!" You couldn't stop yourself... after playing a few hours of Kingdom Hearts, it would just jump right out of your mouth.

Needless to say, I probably won't be getting Kingdom Hearts III. That unique blend of Square-Enix's worst game design impulses and Disney's twee characters and aggressive self-promotion just doesn't appeal to me.

In less self-indulgent news, Nintendo of America president Reginald Fils-Aime is set to retire from the company, replaced with Doug (looks through notes)... Bowser? Wow Nintendo, that's a little on the nose, isn't it? 

Anyway. I've had big disagreements with Reggie in the past. Years ago, he suggested that indie games (like Cave Story, Undertale, Read Only Memories, etc.) were beneath Nintendo's notice, comparing them to American Idol contestants. These days, indie games are the new industry darling thanks to their fresh ideas and low production costs, while AAA titles by big studios have an odd habit of re-materializing in the budget bins of dollar stores. Looks like you made the wrong call on that one, Reg.

Nevertheless, as corporate mouthpieces go, Reginald Fils-Aimes was one of the better ones. With his rallying cry of "I'm about kicking ass and taking names, and Nintendo is about making games," he did more to make Nintendo relevant to Americans in the 21st century than anyone else at the company. Plus he was always a good sport about Nintendo's zany promotions, playing a ruthless robot in one E3 sketch and a Muppet in another. 

Reginald Fils-Aime left an indelible mark on the company, and he'll be missed. Maybe not as much as the late Satoru Iwata, but his absence will be hard to ignore.

Tiny Tech Adventures

Sometimes I just don't get Apple. Actually most times, but especially now.

Last week, I picked up a fifth generation iPod Nano at a thrift store for ten dollars. It was a pretty good catch, considering that these things sell for fifty bucks on sites like eBay. Nevertheless, I'm mystified by the technology in this device, which is roughly the size of a stick of Airheads taffy. The iPod Nano's got an internal speaker, a camera, and a microphone, and it needs absolutely none of these things, especially since the camera is set on the bottom of the device, where your hand is likely to cover it. It gets points for ambition, I guess, but loses just as many for being so impractical.

There's the camera, next to my thumb.
Why is this even here? Why, Apple, why?!

In the words of Big Audio Dynamite, I wanted this thing to just play music, but Apple made that impractical too. You can't just plug the iPod Nano into your computer and drag your songs into a folder, oh no... there has to be a middle man involved. Usually, that would be iTunes, but you can use a third party program as a work around... provided it actually does work, and it usually doesn't. Eventually I settled on PodTrans, which does the bare minimum of transferring songs and does it for free. It also nags you to tell your friends about the program on FaceBook, but that's why they put Xs on dialog boxes.

While I'm bitching about impracticality, I should probably mention that this iPod Nano can also play games, just in case you wanted that. (You don't.) I tried Vortex, a circular take on Breakout which has you spinning your thumb around the jog dial to control a paddle at the edge of the tiny Nano screen. I've got mixed thoughts about ball and paddle games with this perspective (years ago, I panned the Acorn Archimedes title Ballarena, which had charmingly dated computer rendered graphics but little else going for it), and the Nano's small display and imprecise touch sensitive wheel does little to endear me to the concept. 

Astonishingly, Apple offered a variety of games for the Nano line of music players... one such title was a little-seen spin-off of Mr. Driller called Star Trigon, which used all of one button for its input. Despite its simplicity and a hefty price tag, a friend of mine bought it anyway, because she's just that big a fan of the Mr. Driller series. (I still say Apple and Namco should return her five dollars.)