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| Teh-ka-kan! Teh-teh-teh-teh-teh-ka-kan! |
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| Tecmo: Now with more ninjas! And boobs! And ninja boobs! |
Tehkan is dead. Long live the Tecmo.
(It's Koei-Tecmo now? In that case, long live the boredom.)
(The Legend of) Baluba-Louk
Played: On MAME, sorry!
Like Falcon's Dorodon, The Legend of Baluba-Louk is a new game built on old hardware. Unlike Dorodon or Tehkan's own Pleiades, Baluba-Louk is a largely successful game design that distinguishes itself from Bomb Jack, even though the two games were built on the same foundation.
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| I have no flippin' idea what these things are supposed to be. They look like a dragon had sex with a Dalek. |
You're a tomb raider (not the one with triangular boobs), and it's up to you to grab all the treasures in each horizontally scrolling underground crypt. Beware, though! There are six crypt guards, all deadly to the touch. Crypt guards can't be killed directly, but the title character can light bombs that detonate when a guard steps on them, temporarily leaving the colorful chess piece stunned. Treasure chests contain better weapons, but first, you'll have to crack them open by hitting the floor beneath them with your head.
Is Baluba-Louk as good as Bomb Jack? Not really. The lead character is a lot less mobile, and the cramped caverns leave you feeling helpless unless you're constantly setting traps for your pursuers. Still, it's a strong first effort from Able, a small game company that would eventually go on to make the completely bonkers platformer J.J. Squawkers. Imagine what would happen if Heckyl and Jeckyl took LSD and watched too much anime, and you'll know what to expect.
Bomb Jack
Played: In an emulator designed exclusively to play Bomb Jack
Either you "get" Bomb Jack, or you don't. Internet satirist Sean "Seanbaby" Reilly didn't get it, dismissing the NES semi-sequel Mighty Bomb Jack as one of the worst games on the system. However, players who can adapt to the game's complex jumping mechanics quickly discover the game's hidden brilliance. That includes indie designer Anna Anthropy, who made it the focal point of her masocore action game Mighty Jill Off, and the entire country of Great Britain. The Brits were crazy for Bomb Jack, releasing the game for every game system and home computer that could handle it. (And the ZX Spectrum.) Heck, there was even a Thundercats game in Britain which was a reskinned Bomb Jack sequel!
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| Stages in Bomb Jack are usually accompanied by a picturesque landmark... which typically gets butchered in the home versions. |
The object of this platformer is to defuse all the bombs in each stage. You may have noticed that there are no ladders in Bomb Jack... that's because you won't need them. The lead character can leap the entire height of the screen, or stop his ascent halfway through with a tap of the jump button, or gently float down to earth with rapid taps of jump.
If you can't get the hang of jumping in Bomb Jack, you'll quickly fall prey to the chrome-plated robots roaming each stage. However, once you master the jumping mechanics, you'll soar through the sky, land cleanly on platforms, and snatch up the more valuable lit bombs like a pro. You may not even need the "P" coin that turns all the robots into coins... but since it's already there, you might as well grab it and clean house!
Like parries in Street Fighter III or the jumble of action buttons in Stargate, Bomb Jack's pixel-precise jumping takes a lot of practice. It's a skill worth learning, because the better you get at it, the more rewarding Bomb Jack becomes.
Guzzler
Played in: A pizza shop in Central Michigan
It's easy to dismiss this as another hackneyed Pac-Man clone... lord knows I did. However, there's layers to the seemingly derivative gameplay of Guzzler. You're an animated water bubble (or is that thing an ice cube?), and you've got to quench the four fires burning onscreen. Fire fiends emerge from the flames and chase you around, but you can use blasts of water to put them out. Guzzler can only hold three blasts, with each blast having less range than the previous one, but stepping on puddles refills his supply. The genre-mandated bonus prize in the center of the screen freezes all fire fiends in place, making them easy targets for your ocean spray.
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| Squirt your thirst! |
There's a weird alcoholic theme running throughout Guzzler... the bonus prizes in the center of the screen are martinis and bottles of whiskey, and a giant version of your character appears in the cut scenes to rescue you from fire fiends, only to be frozen in his tracks by a bottle of booze. "Bourbon! The brownest of the brown liquors! What's that? You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of saving my little buddy! Hold on, I need to call my sponsor. Whaddaya MEAN David Crosby is dead?!"
Er, where was I going with this? Oh yeah. Guzzler. There have been better maze games, but also worse ones, and at least this one's fairly original. I could see this being repurposed on home consoles as a Kool-Aid Man game... just replace the alcohol with sugar and flavor pouches, and Guzzler with a big red smiling jug. It'd be more fun than the Kool-Aid Man games we actually got for the 2600 and Intellivision, that's for sure.
Ninja Gaiden
Played in: Practically everywhere, but in particular, the Malt Shop in Mt. Pleasant
I know how it looks on the marquee, but it's Ninja Guy-den, not "Ninja the Gay-den." Also, while most people prefer Ninja Gaiden on the NES, I'm partial to the arcade original, with its sword-swiping, neck-throwing, car-dodging, popcorn stand-smashing action. It's a belt-scroller that earns its keep by being more nimble than Double Dragon, more exotic than Renegade, and more violent than the two combined.
When you begin, your hero stands defiantly on the front of a boat under the Brooklyn bridge, with the caption "Ninja in USA." And that's it, that's the game. You're fighting masked thugs in a slum littered with signs and oil barrels, swinging on lamp posts to vault yourself over busy highways, and battling claw-wielding acrobats in Atlantic City. Your ninja can fling foes across the screen with a tricky but oh-so-satisfying leaping neck throw, which leads to the game's other headlining feature.
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| Smash boom bang! Pretty much everything breaks in Ninja Gaiden, whether it's oil barrels or Coca-Cola signs, and if you try to tell me that's not cool, you are totally lying. |
Practically everything in Ninja Gaiden breaks when you toss an enemy into it, which not only awards you bonus items, but looks and sounds impossibly cool. Even if you don't get that health restoring pill or the pair of swords that lets you easily cleave a path through the armies of log-wielding thugs, it's always, always worth breaking something just to hear the satisfying shatter of glass and gawk at the extensive property damage.
It's not as cinematic as the NES Ninja Gaidens (although not without cinematic ambitions... check out that continue screen with the buzzsaw bearing down on your ninja!), and not as deep as Double Dragon, but arcade Ninja Gaiden is visceral in a way no other beat 'em up had been up to that point. That matters, especially in an arcade setting where first impressions are everything.
Pinball Action
Played in: A convenience store a small Illinois town
This game happened just before Tehkan's transformation into Tecmo, and it's a promising look at the company's future. The classic Tecmo font used in Solomon's Key makes its debut here, and the graphics are blazingly colorful, with a flame-headed woman decorating the pinball table. (Is that Cher? It sure looks like Cher. I'm saying it's Cher.)
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| Do you believe in life after pinball? |
The table is small and compact, without a scrolling playfield, but keep in mind that this was early video pinball. Compared to Atari's own game titled Video Pinball, this is a quantum leap forward... and unlike Namco's GeeBee, this actually feels like pinball, not Breakout with bumpers. The ball behaves as if it's governed by the forces of gravity, and there are plenty of targets to hit, forcing the player to aim each shot carefully to score point bonuses and advance to a hidden second table.
It's not Devil's Crush, widely recognized as the best video pinball game ever made, but keep in mind that this was 1985. In those early days, Pinball Action, as cramped and full of Cher as it is, was as good as video pinball could get. It's loud, with a menacing hum in the background, it's explosively colorful, and the ball feels appropriately weighty. You couldn't ask for more from an electronic pinball game of its early vintage.
Pleiad(e)s
Played: On MAME
There has never been a game as unforgettably forgettable as Pleiades. It's like Tehkan was sitting next to Taito in video game class, and asked if it could copy its Phoenix homework. "Sure," Taito replied coolly. "But change things around a little so it's not obvious to the teacher. Take out the handy shield, turn the demon vultures into generic-looking monsters, put in some tap-dancing aliens, and make the cool fight with the alien queen kind of sucky."
And boy, did they! Pleiades looks, sounds, and feels like Phoenix, but everything Phoenix does, Pleiades does worse. The enemies are dumber, the graphics are shabbier, and the sound effects range from "grating" to "the robot devil's barbed wire harp." It's one of the most contrived single screen shooters of its generation, a shambling wooden duplicate hoping that if he wishes really, really hard, he too will become a real boy game some day. Keep wishing, Pleiades... it ain't gonna happen.
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| Great Value Phoenix. |
GORF got a lot of grief for being a greatest hits collection of other early shooters, but its mini-games, derivative though they may be, were based on effective and time-tested designs. They work well on their own, and work well as components of a larger game. Pleiades tries to color outside the lines of Phoenix with new ideas, but they're all bad ones. Even returning to base after a successful run feels like an attempt to shoehorn thrusting mechanics into a game that shouldn't have them.
As you continue to play and not enjoy Pleiades, you can't help but ask yourself... why does this even exist? Don't ask Tekhan; they don't know either.
Rygar
Played in: A movie theater in Charlotte MI
Back in the 1980s, arcade games and home ports of those games were two very different things. Dedicated arcade hardware was at the peak of audiovisual technology, and home consoles like the NES couldn't hope to accurately reproduce that experience. At the same time, arcade games were designed for quick play... the player drops in their coin, oohs and aahs at the spectacle of a looming sunset in the background, gets wiped out after a couple stages, and leaves, only to have another player repeat the process.
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| The classic burning sunset, present in both the arcade and NES versions of Rygar. By the way, your weapon is the Diskarmor, a bladed frisbee on a metal string. It's a video game, just go with it. |
With an NES game, you're going to be stuck with it for a while, at least for the duration of the rental. Straight arcade ports weren't going to hold the player's attention for long, and they certainly weren't going to look as nice as the original, so the designers had to embellish the designs. Stages were broadened, play mechanics were added, resource management became a factor, and items were used as keys to gain access to new areas.
This was intensely aggravating for arcade maniacs like myself. However, looking back, these rewrites were not only necessary for a different audience of gamers, but often resulted in better, more complete experiences. Rygar is one game that's definitely better on the NES, but that's not to say the arcade version of Rygar is bad. It's just dumb, even by the standards of an arcade game. Levels are typically one long horizontal stretch of land, with fire worms bursting from the ground and other creatures pouring from the sides of the screen. Don't stop to think! Just keep racing to the right, batting away foes with your Diskarmor as they approach. It's intense and bracing, but also light on meaningful content. By the time your lifeless hero is dragged to the afterlife by a creepy ghost, you're also ready to go to a better place. (Specifically, your friend's house, playing the NES version of Rygar.)
Silk Worm
Played in: The Castle Pizzaria in Lakeview MI
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| That logo, she blow up real good, mon ami! |
On its face, Silk Worm seems like an ordinary military shooter, but the secret to the game's success is its dual pronged gameplay. One player takes to the skies in a helicopter, while the other drives a Jeep through enemy territory. Your choice of vehicle greatly alters the way the game plays... the chopper feels a lot like Scramble, with a cannon firing forward and bombs dropping down, while the Jeep is more like Moon Patrol, with jumping and a machine gun that can fire from any angle. It's two, two, two games in one!
The Jeep's limited mobility makes it the less desired of the two play styles, but playing with a friend is your best option, giving you both land and air supremacy. Even when you're playing alone, there's enough action and compelling twists in Silk Worm to keep you hooked. Panels on the ground can be destroyed, releasing clouds of stars. Fly or drive into the stars for temporary invincibility, or fire at them to clear the screen of minor enemies.
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Silk Worm's dual faceted gameplay |
Nobody's going to be impressed by this game's humble display of firepower... Silk Worm is as far removed from "bullet hell" as a shooter can get. However, it's got an appealing military aesthetic that's equal parts G.I. Joe and Airwolf, and although the gameplay isn't deep, the action is intense enough to keep you glued to your joystick for a few stages.
Silk Worm is one of those games that's vastly more popular in Great Britain than other territories, and that love is not misplaced!
Solomon's Key
Played: On the NES. This kind of missed me in arcades...
I imagine a conversation like this happened at Tecmo headquarters in 1986...
"So I was thinking... Super Mario Bros. has been really popular for Nintendo. What if we made our own version of Super Mario Bros. for nerds?"
"Super Mario Bros. IS for nerds."
"No, I mean smart nerds."
"Oh."
It's an important distinction! After all, Super Mario Bros. and Solomon's Key have the same fundamental gameplay. You run around each stage, smashing blocks with your head, revealing hidden prizes, and torching enemies with fireballs.
However, while Super Mario Bros. is a breezy side-scrolling adventure that doesn't require much mental strain, Solomon's Key is a series of single screen "escape rooms," and careful decisions and strategy are required to first reach the key, then the door it unlocks. Fireballs are a limited resource, and unlike Mario with his massive Koopa-crushing butt, the wizard Dana is too spindly to stomp monsters. However, he can conjure blocks with his magic wand, building steps to higher platforms and blocking the paths of roving sparks, fireball-spewing gargoyles, and other creatures from medieval fantasy.
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| Things get complicated quickly in Solomon's Key. This is actually one of the earlier stages! |
Re-contextualizing Super Mario Bros. as a puzzle game was a pretty smart move by Tecmo's designers. Solomon's Key is brainier than your average side-scrolling platformer, but with the varied gameplay and sense of discovery missing from an ordinary block stacker like Tetris. Solomon's Key is one of Tecmo's most enduring franchises, with sequels, spin-offs, and even a marketing tie-in with Zipang, a television drama set in ancient Japan. It's a really adaptable game concept, and a really fun game, whether you're playing it in arcades, or on the NES with a slight ding to the graphics.
Star Force
Played in: A convenience store just outside Vestaburg
Xevious was both a pioneer in the top-down shooter genre, and its undisputed leader in the early 1980s. Countless other game companies tried to challenge Xevious for that honor with their own vertical shmups... SNK with HAL 21 and Alpha Mission, Konami with Mega Zone, Capcom with Vulgus, and Nichibutsu with Terra Cresta. Some of these would-be Xevious killers were better than others, but perhaps the most enduring of the lot was Tecmo's Star Force.
This strikes me as odd, because there's nothing remarkable about Star Force. It's as generic as a shooter can get, even when it was released in the far-flung year of 1984. The enemy patterns are predictable, power-ups are limited to an escort ship that gives you turbo fire, bullet-sponging panels provide little incentive to shoot them, and even the boss is a letdown, a metal square with a Greek letter painted on the top.
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| Star Force! The drrrrry shooter! |
For whatever reason, the game was big in Japan, spawning sequels and a just barely legally distinct spin-off in Hudson Soft's Star Soldier. (Apparently you can never have too much mindless panel blasting.) At least Star Soldier gilds this limp lilly a little with heartier power ups and the not especially useful or welcome ability to fly under the background. Star Force is just... there. It feels more like a proof of concept than a fully realized game with its own artistic direction and innovative ideas. Star Force is the kind of game you might find at the bottom of a cereal box, and next to more accomplished contemporaries like Xevious, or the morphin-omenal Terra Cresta released just one year later, it just doesn't cut it.
Come on, you know you wanted to see this.
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